Maybe some of you guys have been "naughty" this year. If so, we're sending "Whip Girl" over to your house tonight to
teach you a little lesson. But you'd like that, wouldn't you? You kinky bastard!
" I'll whip your ass good --- especially yours, Big Boy!"
... If I had 1 wish this Christmas, it would be for all the children of the world
to join together in peace and love and sing in harmony.
If I had 2 wishes this Christmas, it would be for:
1: All the Children of the world to sing together
2: $1,000,000 tax free
If I had 3 wishes this Christmas:
1: Kids singing together
2: $1,000,000 tax free per year for life
3: To have all encompassing power over the universe
If I had 4 wishes this Christmas:
1: The crap about the kids
3: All encompassing power
4: 1 extended orgasm to last 30 days, brought about by 2 supermodels.
Let's face it, the logistics of getting all those kids together is impossible.
So, let's rearrange:
1: All encompassing power
2: The orgasm
3: The money
OH! I forgot to strike down my enemies. Okay, so we add that in.
Now, my wish this Christmas would be:
1: The power
2: To strike down my enemies, may they die like pigs in hell
3. The orgasm
4. The Money
Here's a nice animation!
A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in sex. Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working.
So she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy. "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, she's even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.
Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"
"No, she's...who's this?" the little boy asks. "I'm a friend of your mother's and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it's going?"
"That was you?!" the little boy says. "Let me tell you -- Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad's in the attic going, 'Here kitty, kitty, kitty.' "
Back to School!
A Terrible Discovery!
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The
doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla, she keeps getting
these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the
mother and says, "Well,I don't know how to tell you this but
your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never
ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?"
Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is
there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last
time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east
and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm
going to miss it this time!"