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CHRISTMAS HUMOR

 

 

Merry Christmas to each of you!

 



CHRISTMAS WREATH

 

CHRISTMAS WREATH

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One year Jane was wrapping gifts so quickly, that she accidently wrapped two empty boxes. When one of our kids received two empty boxes on Christmas morning we all had a good laugh. In subsequent years it became a tradition each Christmas to wrap one empty box for someone in the family.   



 



 



 



A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year. Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't want to pay for it." But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining, he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.

Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks. "I didn't cut it down," the father replies. "I got it at a tree lot." "Then why did you bring an axe?" "Because I didn't want to pay."



 

 



 

 



A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."

The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent.

Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells." The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing - "Chet's nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"

 

 



 



 

 



 

 



 

 



 

 



 



 

 



Look --- it's Marilyn Monroe celebrating Christmas!

 



Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... lightsabers drawn and sparks flying. Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!" Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platfrom just out of Vader's reach, "How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?" Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."



 

 



 

 



 

 



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