Since you are all good friends of ours, we know that you've been more naughty than good this year. I mean just think of all the wise-ass stuff you did this year! But guess what? Santa does have a sense of humor. And because of that he's gonna lay some giftees on you anyway!
This woman walks into a tattoo shop and asks for a tattoo of a
Christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on
her left inner thigh.
The tattoo artist says "That's an unusual request. Why do you
want two tattoos there?"
She replies "Because my husband needs to eat between Christmas
and New Years."
The wife is shopping for Christmas gifts,
With purchases little and large;
She doesn't believe in Santa Claus...
But she believes in Master Charge!
Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?!?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."