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Show me a guy who laughs all day --- and I'll show you a screwball!


There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, dont let him do that. He is going to try to feel your breasts, you are going to like that but, dont let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, dont let him do that. But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but dont let him do that, it will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. Upon returning home, later that night, the girl could not wait to tell her grandmother about the date. She told her grandmother that her date went just like she said. Then she noted, "I did not let him disgrace the family. When he tried to do that, I just got on top of him and disgraced his family!"

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter." One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because theres a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy had said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, and then returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick so she proceeded to find herself a rich 73-year-old man, planning to love him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed.

When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and he was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"


Q. Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. How can you tell if you are in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling!!
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A. A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
When in Greece, how do you separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar.

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. "What in the world are you doing?" She exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband". Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband". A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked. He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law".

So you like Quickees? --- Live it up!

WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (Because they are plugged into a genius)
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A. A different bar.
Q. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A. A speech impediment.
Q. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a deformed baby? A. They named him "Sum Ting Wong."
What did the cannibal do after he had dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his butt.
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher?
Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs or blowjob? The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat ---- but you just can't beat a blow job!!!
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

Viagra is now available in liquid form! Pfizer Drug officials today announced the release of the wonder drug, Viagra, in a new, easy-to-take liquid form. It is sold under the generic name "Mydixadud."

Now, when men come home from work in the evening, they can pour themselves a stiff one.


Bubba died in a fire and his body was burnt pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup,he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time the three of us went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes!"