Easy Ed's Fun Factory 3
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If you haven't been insulted at one of our parties --- you haven't been to enough parties!


Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood, one from Georgia, the other from Alabama, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The Georgia peach said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for Me." the lady from Alabama commented. "Well, isn't that nice?" The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac you see parked in the drive." Again, the belle from Alabama commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the other lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?" The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Alabama belle. "Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Land sakes," child, what on Earth for?" The Alabamian responded, "So that instead of saying 'who gives a shit?' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice?'"

I dated this flake one time. Upon picking her up for dinner, she said, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm feeling a little schizophrenic tonight." "Good!" I said. "That makes four of us."
WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Harry says, "I can't wait to get home and rip my wife's panties off." Charlie says, "You're that horny?" Harry says, "No, they're that tight on me."
Two bananas are lying on a riverbank when a turd comes floating by. The turd looks over and says, "Hey! Come on in! The water's fine!" One banana turns to the other and says, "Do you believe that shit?"
Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic? He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass!
HUSBAND: "Let's try different positions tonight." WIFE: "That's a good idea. Why don't YOU stand by the sink and do the dishes, and I'll lay on the couch and fart". >
Did you hear about the girl who had three chances to get pregnant? She blew 'em all.
Harvey says to the doctor, "I'm under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people and insulting them. You gotta help me." The doctor says, "Tell me about what your problem is." Harvey yells, "I just did, you stupid cocksucker."
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime? A. When the big hand touches the little hand.

John O'Riley was a member of an Irish Toast Masters Club and one evening at the local Irish Toast Masters meeting, a contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast. Well, John O'Riley won the contest for the best toast of the evening: "Here's To The Best Years o' Me Life, Spent Between The Legs o' Me Wife."

When O'Riley arrived home his beautiful wife asked him how the Toast Masters meeting went and he told her, "I won the contest for the best toast of the evening with the following toast:

"Here's To The Best Years o' me Life, Spent in Church wi' me Wife." His wife said, "Why John, that's so sweet of you to include me in your Toast."

The next morning, Mrs. O'Riley was downtown shopping and ran into the local policeman on the beat who was also at the Toast Masters meeting with John. He said, "Hello Mrs. O'Riley, that was some great toast that your husband John gave at the Toast Masters meeting last evening. He won first prize". "Yes, that's right," said Mrs. O'Riley, "but he wasn't quite honest with the facts: he's only been there twice, the first time he fell asleep and the second time I had to pull him out by the ears."

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?" "What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"

How do you plan on financing your retirement?

A woman walked into the doctor's but didn't like the way he was looking at her. When he told her to undress she asked him to turn out the lights before she disrobed. After he turned out the lights she said: "Where will I put my clothes?" "Hang them up over here," he replied, "next to mine."