A woman goes into Walmart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Walmart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir .....can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says , "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line......It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it" He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes
that there is no way he could tell it was her ... being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten legs on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing.
He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement where she finally found her husband crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?" he replied. "And remember he said I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?"
The husband sobbed, "I would have gotten out today."
Little Johnny walked up to the front of he class and,
with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the
blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher
couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind, so she
asked him just what that was. "It's a period,"
"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so
exciting about a period?" "I don't know," said Johnny,
"but, this morning, my sister said she missed
one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the
man next door shot himself."
Dr Smythe had just informed his patient that he only had three minutes to live.
The patient looked up wistfully and said, "There must be something you could do for me!"
"Well," replied the doctor, "I could boil you an egg.."
A depressed man turned to his friend in the pub and said, "I woke up this
morning and felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking 60 aspirins."
"Oh, that's really bad," said his friend, "What happened?" "Well, after the
first two, I felt much better."
STILL MORE QUICKEES!
|Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
||A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might
try to rip me off, but I was relieved when he told me all I
needed was turn-signal fluid."
Jesse Jackson, Jim Bakker, and Jimmy Swaggert have
written an impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do More Than
|| I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, the drink
spilled and the ice ---- well it really chilled her mood.
A young blonde was asked by a guy who had just made love to her: "Am
I the first guy you ever made love to?"
"You might be," she replied, "Your face looks familar."
The Perfect Breakfast:
You're sitting at the table and:
your son is on the cover of the box of wheaties....
your mistress is on the cover of Playboy ...
and your wife is on the back of the milk carton...
Q. What do you get when you cross Lassie with a Pit bull?
A. A dog that bites off your leg and then runs for help.
Q: What is a Yankee?
A: The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.